BUY MY NEW BOOK AND I WILL PUT YOU IN MY WILL!!
I am thrilled to inform my loyal View from the Bleachers readers – and even those of you whose loyalty I question – my newest book is now available for purchase. If calling it my “newest” book leaves you with the impression that I’m a prolific author who has written a collection of books, I’m okay with that.
It’s called YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE – Misguided Parenting Strategies that Sounded Good at the Time, and it’s now available for purchase at fine retailers everywhere, as well as a few shady outlets I would never set foot in.
My book was published by LULU Press and is currently available as an eBook or paperback at Lulu.com. In addition to Lulu.com, it is also available on at Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com and other major online retailers everywhere (with the possible exception of Latvia – Latvians never seem to have appreciated my sense of humor).
BUY MY BOOK WITHIN 48 HOURS OR ELSE I WILL UNFRIEND YOU ON FACEBOOK!
Buy the Paperback version here – for the insanely low price of $9.95 (Allow 3 – 5 business days for delivery)
Buy the eBook version here – for the ridiculously low price of $6.99
Note: this eBook was created in the ePub format (not PDF format), so that it can be viewed on eBook readers. If you can’t open this eBook on your reader after downloading it, you may need to download Adobe Reader – Digital Edition, which you can download for free from the Adobe website here. (Currently this book is not yet available for the Amazon Kindle but will be sometime in March 2016.)
ABOUT THIS BOOK
What is YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE about? Glad you asked. It’s a collection of some of my favorite essays about the myriad of challenges of parenting in the era of Facebook, texting and selfies. If you’re a parent – or just thinking about making arguably the biggest mistake of your life by starting a family – then YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE may make you a better parent. Probably not. In fact, I’m laying 10-to-1 odds it won’t. But you never know. Every once in a blue moon a fan sinks a free throw from half court at halftime during an NBA game and receives a check for $10,000. So anything’s possible.
Whether you’re the parent of a toddler, a middle schooler or a college sophomore, you’ll find innovative parenting strategies I have tried – all with disastrous results. If nothing else, comparing your own frustrated parenting efforts to the misguided parenting strategies described in this book is pretty much guaranteed to make you look like a finalist for Parent of the Year by comparison.
How to administer punishment effectively, how to get your kids to do their homework without having to nag them, and how to make sure your kids grow into respectful, conscientious, loving siblings are all excellent topics that I wish I had thought to include but completely forgot about until just now. Drat!
The book contains a variety of powerful, innovative child-rearing strategies, which, if applied exactly as I recommend in my book, will most likely result in only minimal long-term damage to your child’s fragile psyche.
REVIEWS ABOUT THIS BOOK
(Honest, I didn’t pay these people to say these things!)
“This book is really, really, really, really, really funny and I’ve never before rated a book with more than three reallys!” – Anonymous Amazon.com review
“This guy writes like Dave Barry! I laughed from beginning to end. Wish he had more books I could read. Highly recommend this!” – Miriam T.
“Guess what? You don’t have to have kids to enjoy this very funny book! As an Aunt with LOTS of experience babysitting nieces and nephews, I found this book easy to relate to AND hilarious. A laugh-out-loud, FUN read!! Tim’s writing style is intelligent, clever and honest. Great book to give as a gift to parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, even babysitters!” – Anonymous Amazon.com review
“Back in the day I ran a modestly successful parenting site, combining advice, experience and humor, but Jones beat me by a mile. I was clever, but Tim really knocked it out of the park with this one. Been a fan of his blog for 5-6 years, so maybe I’m biased, but this was just really darn enjoyable.” – Anonymous Amazon.com review
“Tim Jones makes an excellent case for birth control. He brought back memories that took years of therapy to deal with. Tim has a tremendous wit and this is great. Totally entertaining!” – Doug P.
“To quote well-know sage and humorist Steven Colbert, “I laughed, I cried, I lost 15 pounds” after reading this book. But mostly I laughed. As a parent who also raised two daughters, Tim’s very funny insights into the complicated and utterly bewildering job of parenting certainly hit home with me, as I’m sure it will with most parents and their children. Give it a read. I can’t guarantee you will lose 15 pounds, but you will be smiling, and perhaps crying, throughout as you recognize your family dynamics in these pages.” – Steve M.
“Laugh out loud funny — and many pearls of wisdom in there too!” – Anonymous Amazon.com review
“A witty, honest and fun read for parents, for people thinking about becoming parents, and for those looking for reasons to avoid becoming parents.” – Stephen F.
“The author is a genuinely great dad but one that can’t help put to words what most parents would slap themselves for thinking. Jones is today’s Dr. Spock, only without the educational degrees, sensitivity or lucid thoughts. A must for every parent who wants to instill independence in their children by motivating them to move out early…real early and far, far away.” – Anonymous Amazon.com review
“I don’t know if you have to be a parent to enjoy this book as much as I did, but I think it helps. There is a sort of sly experienced wisdom to the broad comedy Tim Jones deploys so deftly, and it helps strike the balance every parent recognizes between sheer absurdity of life with kids and the unexpectedly profound moments that seem to come wrapped in angst, tears, unidentifiable goo, and head-shaking. I recommend YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR LIFE, whether you’re early in the kid-raising going or an old hand whose offspring are safely parceled off someplace far from home, and especially encourage it as a baby-shower gift to first-timers– you can’t be too prepared and this book could well be that long-sought-after text on what is really ahead.” – David G.
“A funny and heartwarming gift for parents to be or anyone struggling with parenting issues. The author’s perspective on life with kids is a series of essays that cover just about every child rearing mood and moment. Reading this book is like binge-watching your favorite sitcom…you can’t put it down for fear the laughing will stop and reality will kick in.” – Anne B.
“Great fun! I wish I had Tim’s spot on advice when I was raising my kids. I can only hope I will be able to apply his wisdom to my grand-kids. Must read for parents who’ve been there – and for those who have the road yet to travel.” – Elizabeth J.
“Actually, I haven’t read the book yet.” – Tim Jones’ wife Michele
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!!!
ASK ABOUT VOLUME DISCOUNTS: Buy 1,000 or more copies, and I will personally come to your house and carpet shampoo up to four rooms of your choice. Purchase 5,000 copies and I’ll rename my eldest daughter after you.
MY PERSONAL MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE: If you follow the parenting strategies detailed in this book, and after six months your kids’ behavior has not improved 1000%, then you must be doing it wrong. Good luck getting your MONEY BACK.
BUY THE BOOK HERE:
Buy the Paperback version here – $9.95 (Allow 3 – 5 business days for delivery)
Buy the eBook version here – $6.99
Note: this eBook was created in the ePub format (not PDF format), so that it can be viewed on eBook readers. If you can’t open this eBook on your reader after downloading it, you may need to download Adobe Reader – Digital Edition, which you can download from the Adobe website here. (Currently this book is not yet available for the Amazon Kindle but will be sometime in March 2016.)
Listen to my podcast interview with Donna Cavanagh, Editor of Humor Outcasts (a humor website) here.