Rumor has it I may be the next Pope

Rumor has it I may be the next Pope

Recently the world’s one billion-plus Catholics were stunned by the news that, for the first time in almost 600 years, a living Pope has decided to step down. The 85-year-old Pope Benedict XVI recently announced his plans to resign on February 28, citing poor health and depression over scores of snarky comments his Facebook page has received lately about his red leather Prada shoes (most critics sniping that he should have gone with Gucci, an Italian brand). 

Rumors are swirling about who will be selected as the next Pope. Las Vegas odds makers say the three front runners are: 

  • Cardinal Peter Kodwo Appiah Tukson of Ghana
  • French Canadian Cardinal Marc Ouellet and
  • Cardinal Oscar Andres Rodriguez Maradiaga of Honduras. 

Most of the mainstream press has completely overlooked a rather unexpected name which is being floated for consideration: Mine. Okay, so most of those rumors have been floated by yours truly. But even a cursory review of my qualifications makes me the obvious choice as God’s representative on Earth.  

First of all, my name, Tim Jones, is much easier to pronounce than any of those other candidates I just listed. But that’s not all. Check out my impeccable credentials: 

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