VIEW from the BLEACHERS
My personal search for signs of intelligent life in the universe and in my neighborhood
A humor blog
by Tim Jones, BA, JD, MBA, ESQ, FAQ, INC, LOL, WTF, UBU, IDK, ETC
Our nearest town, Stanwood, Washington, has fallen on hard financial times, thanks to the pandemic. But I have a way to turn their fortunes around. Welcome to Orca Falls (formerly known as Stanwood), where the whales are abundant and the waterfalls free-flowing.
In these contentious times, it seems like every week there’s another tell-all book promising to reveal shocking secrets of sordid behavior by a politician or celebrity. Being neither a politician nor celebrity, I was taken aback when my cat Zippy jumped on the bandwagon with his own muckraking treatise – all about me! It’s full of lies and half-truths, and I doubt he actually wrote it, given he doesn’t even have opposable thumbs.
Now that the COVID pandemic is on the wane, things are starting to return to the old normal. And that includes returning to work at your old office. Don’t worry. You’ll get the hang of it. It will be just like it’s been for the past year – except that you’ll no longer be able to play Minecraft during the team meetings, since they won’t be on Zoom anymore. Sorry about that.
They seemed like such a lovely young couple, on their honeymoon, without a care in the world. And then, they made a fateful decision that almost changed the course of their destiny. They did something incredibly reckless and impulsive. They accepted a ride from a complete stranger. I saw the whole thing unfold because, well, I was that stranger.
Do you need any mustard? We’ve got tons to spare. That’s because while it is my responsibility to do the grocery shopping, it’s my wife’s job to make up the grocery list. And that’s where the problem starts. Because she never checks to see our current inventory before coming up with her lists.
President Trump today revealed his long-awaited plans for his presidential library. It will officially be known as the Donald J. Trump Presidential Liebrary, Resort, Casino and Adult Video Store. The exact location has not yet been announced, but sources wishing not to be named indicate it may be adjacent to a Las Vegas Hooters or an adult video store in Queens. Read the full press release.
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