VIEW from the BLEACHERS
My personal search for signs of intelligent life in the universe and in my neighborhood
A humor blog
by Tim Jones, BA, JD, MBA, ESQ, FAQ, INC, LOL, WTF, UBU, IDK, ETC

My Parents Never Told Me I was Chinese
My parents were good people. They tried to raise me to become a decent, caring person. But they lied to me – for years. They never told me I was Chinese. It took a call to Apple ID tech support to discover the truth about my genetic history.

Did You Find a Pair of Glasses I Lost?
Recently I was in the grocery store and I suddenly realized my glasses were missing. Had they fallen out of my pocket? Did I leave them at home? I finally solved the mystery. But in finding my glasses, it appears that I was also losing my mind.

Judge Tim’s Court is Now in Session
I recently learned that Judge Judy is stepping down from The People’s Court after 25 years on the bench. I quickly realized that nobody was better suited to take her place than I – just so long as I don’t have to wear high heels. That would be a deal breaker.

Surviving Christmas Dinner with Relatives
Christmas is a time of great joy and togetherness. Sometimes, a little too much togetherness. Especially when your annoying conspiracy-theory-loving Uncle joins the dinner – with his new girlfriend – even when they weren’t invited. Still, I’m confident everything will go just fine. Well, at least hopeful. Good luck.

My Lame Utah National Parks Vacation
Recently, my wife and I took a two-week vacation to see all five of Utah’s national parks. The experience was, well, disappointing. I was utterly unimpressed. Utahns like to refer to them as “The Mighty Five.” I prefer to call them “The Forget ‘em Five.”

The Burden of Being a Good Sport
I’m not the most handsome man in the world, or the smartest, or, as my kids periodically remind me, the most successful. But there is one thing EVERYBODY who knows me seems to agree on: I’m a really good sport. And that has gotten me into trouble at times.