Until this past July, for the previous four decades, I had always worked in business. I was routinely required to submit reports on my progress: Sales forecasts, pipeline analyses, business plans – you name the report, I made it up, er, I mean…. um …
My point is this: Just because I’ve recently retired and moved to an island home near an idyllic beach doesn’t mean I plan to stop submitting regular progress reports. Quite the contrary. I’m happy to report that I’ve continued this practice into retirement. The focus of those reports, however, has shifted slightly.
Here is my business report for the past week.
Sea Shell Inventory Forecast:
My collection of sea shells grew by an impressive 11% this past month, due in part to two unscheduled beach-combing field inspections. While sightings of scallop shells were up 14% year-over-year, unfortunately, the projected production of intact sand dollars is expected to be down 18 to 20% compared to the previous quarter, in part due to increased foreign competition (tourists from Japan) which is anticipated to grab significant market share. I plan to diversify my portfolio of shells by investing (my time) in conch shells, tibias and spiny oyster shells. I’m optimistic we will experience a net gain next quarter if beach market conditions continue on their downward tidal trend.
Golf Game Stroke Efficiency Update:
I have done extensive research into developing a more efficient backswing in an effort to reduce waste (in the form of lost golf balls), but so far preliminary results are disappointing. I am working on an entirely new grip – still in beta testing – which I am hoping may result in improved quality control on the output of my drives. My handicap declined from a 36 rating to 34.5 in the latest golf cycle – a 4.2% improvement. My forecast is to lower my handicap to my Q3 target of 28.4 by mid-September, barring any unforeseen climatic changes which could yield an unusually high easterly wind flow, which could have an adverse impact on my slice.
Crabbing season here on the island is nearing its conclusion. Thanks to a recent operating equipment acquisition in the form of increasing our allocation of crab traps from one to three, I am pleased to report my operation has dramatically increased our Dungeness crab gains from nine in the previous fiscal year to 24 Year-To-Date. Losses also have increased, however, as my wife continues to give away 80% of our catch to friends and neighbors – without consulting me first. I plan to implement an enhanced inventory management system, due to be implemented in Q4, to ensure better security measures, including the purchase of a lock for our garage freezer.
Home Improvement Progress Report:
I regret to report that all capital improvement plans to construct a state-of-the-art indoor-outdoor fireplace are on hold due to unforeseen mild and breezy summer seasonal conditions which have impeded my efforts keep this project on track. I recommend pushing this project out to Q1, 2016 when sun levels are more optimal for this kind of construction project. In the meantime, I am planning to get a jump start on refinishing our deck. However, given that my wife has just poured me a 20-ounce Margarita with nachos, I anticipate there could be some unforeseen delays on the launch of that project as well.
Study on the effects of lack of sleep deprivation on productivity:
In the past few weeks, I have been conducting research on the impact of short intervals of post meridian REM sleep on productivity and performance. Unfortunately, this project is going to require more time before I can submit conclusive results. I plan to expand the daily study window from 30 to 90 minutes in order to have a larger data set from which to present my findings. Stay tuned.
As part of my ongoing assessment of optimal productivity conditions, I have been tracking the high and low tidal levels of the saltwater ecosystem in my region. For the 60th day in a row, I am reporting two high tide readings and, remarkably, the same number of daily low tide readings. The consistency of this trend is remarkable. I believe these trends may have significant implications for future sea shell inventory reports but I am not yet ready to present my findings. Hopefully in another eight months.
Language Immersion Mentoring Program Update:
In an effort to broaden our market penetration into the global economy, I have launched my own intensive language immersion program in Italian – I am also mentoring my wife – in preparation for an upcoming fact-finding business trip to Italy’s Amalfi Coast next spring. As part of this study, I’ll be doing an extensive analysis of Italian cuisine to see if there is anything we might be able to apply in our organization’s cafeteria operations.
That’s it for this week’s series of reports. If you would like additional supporting documentation, or perhaps a PowerPoint presentation of my results YTD, send me an Outlook meeting request and let me know convenient times you might like to meet – preferably not during my daily afternoon REM cycle study.
That’s the view from the bleachers. Perhaps I’m off base.
© Tim Jones, View from the Bleachers 2015