VIEW from the BLEACHERS
My personal search for signs of intelligent life in the universe and in my neighborhood
A humor blog
by Tim Jones, BA, JD, MBA, ESQ, FAQ, INC, LOL, WTF, UBU, IDK, ETC
This is Donald Trump. I want to thank you – and roughly 470 million other Americans – for your generous donation to my Election Defense Fund. If you don’t actually recall making a donation, no worries. We know you wanted to. That’s why we hired a Russian internet troll farm to scrape your credit card info. Thanks for Making America Great Again.
Cat lovers do all sorts of crazy things with their cats. They talk to them, dress them up in costumes, even put them in a backpack and take them for a hike. I would never do anything so ridiculous as that with my cat. Instead, I make up silly songs and serenade them, like any normal adult.
Most Americans struggle when they travel to Mexico because with a few exceptions, like the words “Doritos” and “Taco Bell”, they really don’t know the language. Let me help you out. Here are a few tips to help you blend in like a local – well, maybe not a local, but at least not stand out like an annoying “Turista Americana.”
Throughout our nation’s fractious history, there has always been discrimination, hatred for and intolerance of people who were different. I’m a member of one of the last remaining oppressed minorities that you will never read about in the press or hear about on Twitter: Picky eaters.
What exactly is cryptocurrency? And what’s a blockchain? A “digital wallet?” And what is Bitcoin mining? Is crypto risky? You sure do ask a lot of questions. Just pay me $1 million in Bitcoin, and I’ll tell you everything you need to know. Trust me.
It has been pointed out to me that I apparently have a special talent – the ability to offend other people without having a clue as to exactly what I did wrong. I appear to be particularly adept at offending, annoying or otherwise emotionally upsetting my siblings. As a result of this special gift, I have also become extremely experienced at apologizing.
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