VIEW from the BLEACHERS
My personal search for signs of intelligent life in the universe and in my neighborhood
A humor blog
by Tim Jones, BA, JD, MBA, ESQ, FAQ, INC, LOL, WTF, UBU, IDK, ETC
Here at View from the Bleachers, I, along with the dozens of illegal immigrants that mow my lawn, take the health and safety of each VFTB reader seriously. That’s why I wanted to share some of the extra precautionary measures we’re taking for your safety. But if you do something boneheaded like stick a fork in a live outlet, that’s on you. Don’t come whining to me.
Just because, thanks to the Coronavirus, there’s no baseball, basketball, hockey, football, NASCAR, Olympics, soccer, golf, horse racing, boxing, cycling, bowling, gymnastics, figure skating, curling or Australian Rules shuffleboard to talk about, that doesn’t mean there’s no sports to report. Not by a long shot!
There is increasing evidence that President Trump may have been infected by the Coronavirus. Americans are cautioned to avoid any contact with the President and for Trump supporters to stay at home – at least until after the election.
The doctor told me the odds of my survival and a full recovery were barely 999 chances out of a thousand. But I decided to go forward with the knee replacement procedure anyway. I guess I was feeling lucky. God must have been with me that day, because miraculously, I somehow pulled through. This is a true story of my epic ordeal.
I recently turned 65. When you turn 65, you start asking yourself uncomfortable questions like “How long has that mole been there?” I started to think about my mortality and my funeral and who might actually come to it and what they might have to say about me. And then I started to get worried. Uh oh. This might not end well.
So, you’ve finally decided to take up the exhilarating sport of downhill skiing. Congratulations! I’m confident that, in no time, with a little advanced planning, you’ll be swishing between moguls, mastering hot dog aerials and being carried away on a stretcher by the ski patrol.