VIEW from the BLEACHERS
My personal search for signs of intelligent life in the universe and in my neighborhood
A humor blog
by Tim Jones, BA, JD, MBA, ESQ, FAQ, INC, LOL, WTF, UBU, IDK, ETC
When I was in my forties, I routinely worked 55-hour weeks and still found time to take an active part in raising our two young daughters. I even worked out for an hour five nights a week. Somehow, I got it all done. I’m now 65, with way more time on my hands than back then. But I never seem to get everything done anymore. Not even remotely. Where does the time go?
I recently sent my 26-year-old daughter a text message that deeply upset her. I wrote, “I love you. Hope you can come home soon.” My mistake? I used a period – which nowadays, according to young people, implies you’re angry and being demanding. Learn about other new rules about texting – before you alienate everyone under the age of 30.
In the run-up to the 2020 presidential election, alarm bells have gone off about the possibility of rampant voter fraud. Those alarm bells have mostly been set off by President Trump himself. So, he’s taken quick executive action to ensure a fair election, by which he means he wins.
Several years ago, my sister Betsy was interviewed on NBC’s Today Show by Katie Couric, with her two young twin boys. To really explain how in the world my sister ended up on national TV, we need to go back to a day nine years earlier when I took my then-pregnant sister on a car ride that would eventually lead her to national celebrity.
I have this teddy bear. His name is Grumpy. He’s gone on many a vacation with me over the past forty years. Kind or hard to explain. But he’s been a loyal, accommodating, quiet traveling companion for all this time – until now. Grumpy has a few things he wants to get off his chest. I didn’t know stuffed animals could do that.
Once upon a time, a long time ago, I was thinking about the notion of time. While I was watching prime time TV, I had some spare time to think about it, and it occurred to me that life is a race against time. Now, you may say I’m behind the times, but I advise you to read this column – while there’s still time.
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