VIEW from the BLEACHERS
My personal search for signs of intelligent life in the universe and in my neighborhood
A humor blog
by Tim Jones, BA, JD, MBA, ESQ, FAQ, INC, LOL, WTF, UBU, IDK, ETC
Many years ago, I saved ten innocent lives from an almost certain death. I really don’t like to talk about it. I don’t consider myself a hero. I was just in the right place at the right time. This is the 100% true retelling of that fateful day. This does not make me a better person than you – okay, well, maybe just a little bit.
If you’re looking for an unusual adventure, try doing an Escape Room, in which you and your friends try to solve puzzles to come up with clues to locate the key to the escape room door. A great way to turn friends against each other and you – in under an hour.
I recently read on Twitter that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have decided to bail on the whole Royal Family thing. Rumor has it, the Queen is furious. Not to worry, I know the perfect person to fill in for Harry – ME!
Researchers conclude that people have been telling lies ever since Columbus told the Native Americans, “We come in peace.” Maybe longer. Take me. I’m a professional liar. I make my living by lying, by which I mean humor writing. Last year alone I earned $3 million as a humor writer. (It’s possible that the previous sentence was a slight exaggeration.) So, when it comes to deceiving others, trust me. I know what I’m talking about.
I don’t know why, but I can’t seem to resist pranking pushy solicitors who want to take my money or my time. Something just goes off in my brain that says, “Time to have a little fun with this annoying intruder.” Let me explain why it’s so much fun to mess with them.
Recently, my wife complained that I watch way too much football on TV instead of spending the time with her. So we decided to seek out a marriage counselor to work through this issue. This is a play-by-play transcript of how our first session went. I think we made excellent progress.