I was recently astounded to read that the USA has more prisoners per capita than any other country in the world, easily surpassing #2 Russia. Did you know that the USA makes up just 5% of the world’s population but 25% of its prisoners? All I can say is WAY TO GO, AMERICA! 

We now have over 2 million Americans living in prison (several million more if you include New Jersey). The cause of the explosion in our inmate population over the past thirty years is primarily thanks to the incredible success of our War on Drugs, and only secondarily because of the many cast members of Jersey Shore who have served time.

A thoughtful examination of America’s War on Drugs leads to only one obvious conclusion: By any standard (other than reducing the level of our nation’s rampant drug abuse problem), this war has been an overwhelming success. The only thing left to do is hang a Mission Accomplished banner atop the fence along the U.S. – Mexican border.

Thanks to our impressive victory in the war on drugs, we have corralled thousands of our nation’s most dangerous habitually stoned South Park viewers and thrown them into the Graybar Hotel. Law-abiding Americans can now sleep safely, knowing they no longer have to fear that a deranged pothead might break into their home during a late night Harold and Kumar movie marathon in search of Doritos or other snack foods with dangerously unhealthy levels of high-fructose corn syrup.

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America is the world leader in most important categories: #1 in nuclear warheads, #1 in citizens incarcerated, and breaking into the top 50 in healthcare. We don’t look to Europe for solutions to our problems because those countries are a bunch of whiny, over-indulged socialist brie-eaters with funny accents. If there is one thing every patriotic American knows, it’s that socialism is pernicious and has no place in the American way of life.

That’s why our cherished Constitution forbids socialism to flourish anywhere within our borders – with the very narrow exceptions of our public schools, postal system, fire and police departments, interstate highway system, Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, federal prisons, all state universities, most community colleges, Social Security Administration, National Guard, Coast Guard, public libraries, most local garbage collection services, the National Weather Service, and a few thousand other minor social service programs.

My point is, with a few isolated exceptions, the USA simply does not tolerate the tyranny of socializing our civil services (if you don’t count the folks at the Civil Service Administration). The mere mention of the word socialism stirs a visceral fear in the hair-trigger psyche of our proud democracy.

Socialism enslaves people through intrusive government over-regulation. Case in point: Canada’s socialized healthcare system. Ask any Canadian how they feel about their healthcare compared to ours. An astonishing 98%* of Canadians surveyed said they would gladly swap their healthcare system for ours (* if it was necessary to do so in order to get their child back from kidnappers).

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After months of grueling, often intractable debates – at times marred by heated name calling on both sides – the two leading members of the Jones household budget Super Committee appear to have reached an eleventh hour compromise that will keep the family budget funded, at least for a few more months.

As the deadline for a solution to the budget crisis approached, both sides became further entrenched in their positions. On the brink of failure, the leadership on both sides blamed each other for their selfish intransigence and caving to special interest lobbyists.

The leading liberal on the super committee, Michele Jones, argued vociferously, “We have to raise revenues. I know the other side enjoys writing its humor blog week after week, but we will never be able to pay for college on a blogger’s income. It’s time to wake up and smell the Skinny Double Tall Latte.” Meanwhile, the leading fiscal conservative on the committee, Tim Jones (coincidentally Ms. Jones’ husband), argued, “In this economic climate, near term job creation is simply not a viable option. The only feasible solution is drastic budget cuts and serious entitlement reform – starting with the kids’ cell phone $40/month unlimited texting plans.”

Mr. Jones has pushed for a variety of drastic budget cuts to some very popular entitlement programs, including scrapping plans for the upcoming Hawaiian family vacation in February and next summer’s student exchange program in Italy for their younger daughter.

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Hey there, America! Does the depressed economy have you feeling DOWN!!!!??? Are you concerned because our government can’t seem to solve our spiraling debt crisis? Confused about how to end the stalemate between Republicans and Democrats over how to restore America’s former greatness and still balance the budget?

Well, worry no more. At View from the Bleachers, our dedicated staff of economic analysts and female impersonators has come up with a brilliant solution to our nation’s economic and political problems.

Now, you can finally break the governmental gridlock that is ruining our country and TAKE BACK OUR GOVERNMENT – literally, with our new Take Back America, Do-It-Yourself Self-Government Tool Kit.

When George Washington delivered the Gettysburg Address on the deck of the Mayflower, he spoke of a government “of the people and by the people.” Finally, thanks to our Take Back America, Do-It-Yourself Self-Government (TBADIYSG) Tool Kit, government will finally be by the people once and for all – people like YOU!

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Last week I shared with you some bold new initiatives planned by America’s leading Tea Party politicians to wipe out the entire US Debt before the end of the year. Think of it as a gigantic Christmas present to America from the Tea Party (so long as you’re not elderly, disabled, poor, a member of a labor union, Muslim or, worse yet, gay).

You can read last week’s post here, where you will learn about brilliant ideas put forth by some of the brightest stars in the Tea Party caucus of Congress to save trillions in wasteful spending in the areas of healthcare, education, and financial regulatory reform.

As brilliant as those thoughtful plans are, I’ve saved the best of the best for this week’s conclusion. So let’s get started, shall we? Here are some even more brilliant debt-reduction schemes waiting to be implemented by the Tea Party-controlled Congress* (a wholly-owned subsidiary of Koch Brothers Industries*).

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Earlier this month, after a long and contentious fight between Democrats and Tea Party Republicans, our federal government narrowly avoided its first-ever credit default. People all over the world waited anxiously to find out whether our elected officials were going to voluntarily inflict economic suicide on the nation. In the final nail-biting hours, they reached a compromise to avert disaster – much to the bitter disappointment of every Tea Party member in America.

As a result of the gridlocked debate, at least one major credit agency has already downgraded the USA’s credit rating. At our current rate of spending, our $14.5 trillion debt will explode to over $29 trillion in ten years unless we do something to stop this runaway train. Thankfully, the freedom-loving Tea Party members of Congress have come up with several innovative solutions which – when approved by the Tea Party-controlled Congress – will help us pay off our nation’s debt completely – by December 17^th – just in time for Christmas.

I have previously discussed my own bold solutions to our nation’s debt crisis. But my debt reduction schemes pale next to the brilliance of these new Tea Party solutions. These unprecedented initiatives give me hope that America may once again become a great nation of predominantly white, 6^th grade-educated, patriotic, flag-waving, NRA-supporting NASCAR fans who occasionally like to dress up in wacky Colonial attire and carry misspelled signs with phrases like “Repsect Are Country – No More Alliens.” Take a look at some of these clear-headed proposals initiated by our most capable Tea Party leaders.

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Not long ago, I took on those left-wing tree huggers in my insightful commentary titled The Myth of Global Warming.  I thought I had shut those nutcases up once and for all.  Seems I was wrong (go figure!).  Now they are up a tree again, this time barking about our over-dependence on oil.

These bicycle brains warn that the US has become overly dependent on oil from countries that don’t particularly like us, which puts our national security at risk.  Since when does the USA care about winning a popularity contest? Someone has to be the world’s policeman, and policemen don’t become cops to be liked. Some Chicken Littles are panicking that we might run out of oil in the next fifty years –  like I’m gonna be around to care.  And let’s not forget those socialist sympathizers yammering on about “rich oil executives getting paid too much!” Wah, wah, wah!  Enough with all the whining.

Let’s take a look at some of these latest ridiculous, alarmist claims.

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Here’s a number that might scare you: $14,132,959,955,340. That’s 14 trillion dollars, give or take a few hundred billion. That’s the current estimate of our national debt according to the OMB (Office of Management and Budget). Here’s a slightly smaller but equally frightening number: $1 million.  That’s the amount our nation’s debt is expanding – per minute. The clock is ticking. Depressed? Don’t be. Because I have a brilliant solution to the nation’s debt crisis. And it doesn’t involve painful tax hikes, closing down your favorite park or eliminating daily delivery of your mail.

As many of you know, I (often imagine that I) am a highly sought-after, award-winning, Harvard-educated economist. I won’t drone on about my many notable achievements in the fields of econometrics or applied macro-economic asset price modeling theory (because there aren’t any). Suffice to say, I took both Econ-201 and Econ-202 in my second year of college. I have successfully balanced my family’s checkbook 9 of the past 12 months. And I have completely paid off our family’s credit card debt on all but 5 of our 17 credit cards. I saved $4,000 by the time I was 18 years old by doing summer jobs, and I didn’t blow it all until late spring of my freshman year of college (hey, I needed a new stereo system). So when I say I have a solution for the nation’s debt crisis, I think my credentials speak for themselves.

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[To view Part I of the Year in Review – January – June, click here.]

Welcome back. What took you so long? We continue now with Part II of The Year in Review for 2010 (July – December), as seen from the Bleachers. Now where were we? Oh yes……

July: The world (and by “world” I mean every single country on the planet besides the USA) is riveted to the exciting FIFA World Cup of Soccer in South Africa.  A new craze is born as people from Tokyo to Paris to Sydney are getting hooked on the endearing monotone droning sound of the buzzing vuvuzela horn (as first reported here in VFTB).

Soon these colorful one-note plastic horns are popping up everywhere – at baseball games, political rallies, shareholders’ meetings, birthday parties, weddings, and, most recently, at my friends’ Bernie and Gwen Weinberger’s baby boy’s circumcision ceremony. Perhaps I should have asked permission first. My bad.

Also in the news, American television raises the bar for highbrow entertainment even higher with the explosive popularity of the hip reality series Jersey Shore. Colorful characters like Snooki and “The Situation” become well-tanned, breast-implanted role models for our kids. Every week is a new life lesson, like this one from episode 17, when cast member Snooki reminds us: “I’m not trashy. Unless I drink too much” or when Pauley cautions impressionable young viewers: “One minute you got three girls in the Jacuzzi, the next minute somebody’s in jail.” Sure beats the pointless tripe they try to fob off on us from the BBC or the National Geographic Channel, if you ask this reporter.

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As a professional journalist, it is my job to stay informed about important news stories and trends, so you don’t have to. This week, as I have done every year since this blog’s inception in 1975, I take stock in the people and events that shaped our world over the past 365 days.

[Editor’s note: For those of you following the Jewish calendar, look for my special Rosh Hashanah “You won’t believe what the Goyim world did to our people this past year” Edition, to be published at sundown on September 28, 2011, the start of the Jewish New Year. – TEJ]

Consider this my Holiday gift to you – a week late, sorry. Blame it on the Post Office. Here is the annual View from the Bleachers’ Year in Review – 2010 Edition, or as I like to call it VFTBYIR-2010E, for short.

Oh, just one thing: Pay no attention to the subtle and repeated placement of gratuitous links to previous VFTB articles scattered throughout this week’s post. My tech person told me search engines like that sort of stuff. Hope you don’t mind. Let’s get started, shall we?

January: Avatar smashes box office records as the biggest grossing movie of all time (not to be confused with Cannibal Holocaust, which gets VFTB’s vote for grossest movie of all time).  Thanks to Avatar’s amazing 3D effects and unprecedented profits, Hollywood begins unleashing a tidal wave of 3D films for 2010, including Alice in Wonderland, Toy Story 3, Rocky XXXVII and Oscar-buzz, early odds-on favorite for Best Picture, Jack Ass 3D (right).

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