Archive for September, 2011

VFTB’s Failsafe five-step strategy to guarantee your kid a spot in Princeton

Now that school’s back in session, high school seniors are scrambling to pull together college applications. It’s an anxious time for parents like me. Some parents may be sweating more than others. Take my over-achieving Microsoft senior executive next door neighbors, David and Judy Wong (recent immigrants from Shanghai). They’re frantically hoping their little first violinist, chess champion daughter Vivian gets into Harvard or Yale.

Even with her staggering 6.8 GPA (I have no idea how either), in this competitive environment, Vivian might have to settle for her safety school, Oxford.  In our family’s case, we’re just hoping we don’t have to fall back on our daughter’s safety school, the Louisiana Truck Driving Academy for Asian Drivers.

Here at VFTB, our expert staff of college planning advisors and part-time Wal-Mart greeters has assembled a strategy guaranteed to get your child into the Ivy* League college campus of their choice (* we’re talking of course about Ivy Tech Community College with 30 campuses throughout Indiana).

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  • I hope my ( grandaughter/grandson) has Tim to write (her/his) PAST test which must stand for Pity All Students …
    Eleanor Rushworth
  • Published On Sep. 22, 2011 by TEJ
  • VFTB’s Take Back America, Do-It-Yourself Self-Government Tool Kit

    Hey there, America! Does the depressed economy have you feeling DOWN!!!!??? Are you concerned because our government can’t seem to solve our spiraling debt crisis? Confused about how to end the stalemate between Republicans and Democrats over how to restore America’s former greatness and still balance the budget?

    Well, worry no more. At View from the Bleachers, our dedicated staff of economic analysts and female impersonators has come up with a brilliant solution to our nation’s economic and political problems.

    Now, you can finally break the governmental gridlock that is ruining our country and TAKE BACK OUR GOVERNMENT – literally, with our new Take Back America, Do-It-Yourself Self-Government Tool Kit.

    When George Washington delivered the Gettysburg Address on the deck of the Mayflower, he spoke of a government “of the people and by the people.” Finally, thanks to our Take Back America, Do-It-Yourself Self-Government (TBADIYSG) Tool Kit, government will finally be by the people once and for all – people like YOU!

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    • Drew, excellent suggestions - particularly the one about Do-It-Yourself Stupid Pointless Wars. We are one step ahead of you. What …
      TEJ
  • Published On Sep. 16, 2011 by TEJ
  • Little Caesars Pizza sues Ancient Rome for brand infringement

    In this tumultuous economy, America’s leading consumer brands have come up with a bold new strategy to replace sagging revenues: Filing multi-million dollar lawsuits for brand infringement.

    Recently it was reported that America’s leading cereal manufacturer, Kellogg’s is suing a Californian non-profit organization, the Maya Archeology Initiative, claiming the nonprofit’s use of a toucan in its logo (left) too closely resembles Kellogg’s famous Fruit Loops cereal icon, Toucan Sam. Apparently Kellogg’s is trying to corner the market on both high-fructose breakfast cereals and cartoon toucan characters.

    Kellogg’s is no stranger to filing lawsuits for brand infringement. In 1998, they sued Exxon over the oil company’s use of a tiger for a long-running ad campaign to “put a tiger in your tank.” Kellogg’s claimed that Exxon’s tiger bore too close a resemblance to their own famous icon, Tony the Tiger. Apparently, Kellogg’s is also trying to corner the market on cartoon tigers – perhaps with an eye to opening America’s first cartoon zoo.

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    • I along with my close friend Lou are suing American Standard for the use of words that associate thier toilets …
      John
  • Published On Sep. 08, 2011 by TEJ