Amputee disappointed by dictation software

Fishful Thinking

PRAGUE, CZECH REP. – A Prague-based American writer who recently began using dictation software as a word processing tool following the amputation of his left hand and right fingers has expressed “major dissatisfaction” with the software’s performance.

In a brief e-mail exchange with this column, the 54-year old amputee, Steve Fisher, explained the reasons for his disappointment with the innovative new technology.

FISHFUL THINKING (FT): How long have you been using your new dictation software?

STEVE FISHER (SF): I actually received it as a gift from a friend shortly after I got out of the hospital last audit no auto no auburn no damn it Auden wait forget it I’ll just type it with my nose autumn. There.

FT: And why have you been disappointed with it?

SF: Well comma no no backspace no delete that no select all delete shit okay just forget about punctuation Marx no delete that oh forget it

FT: Is it the speed or the accuracy of the software that has been most troublesome for you?

SF: The speed is fine. Wow look it actually typed a period instead of the word period period no period no. Thank you. It seems to be learning. Anyway comma shit never mind it’s even faster than typing used to be for me. It’s definitely accuracy that’s the biggest challenge.

FT: Can you give us an example?

SF: Well led me dry two thing four a mint.

FT: That’s okay. I think we get the idea. Thank you for your time. Sorry to trouble you.

SF: Hay know trouble atoll period

Published On Aug. 06, 2010 by TEJ

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2 Comments

John Pickett
8/7/10

Brilliant!

In a warped way this reminds me of the time I took the Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing course on my computer. It’s a womderful program. Now I make typograsphic erros twice as fast as before.

Someday there will be a Mavcis Beacon Teaches Mental Tele[pathy course so you can just think about a pen writing and you it will scribble indecipherable nonsense.
Drew Fisher
8/8/10

I like the way it replicates the inner workings of my own mind. As for dexterity, I went through an entire career in various forms of journalism using no more than two fingers on a keyboard at a time. The Army tried to force me to learn “touch-typing,” as it was called; I had to pass a typing test with a minimum of 20 (correctly typed) words per minute in order to graduate from intelligence school. When I got out into the field, my boss graciously allowed me to revert to “hunt and peck” after I asked him, “You want this agent report today or next week?” Oh, by the way, what about texting (my spellcheck just underscored both “spellcheck” and “texting”)?