Archive for January, 2010

Has anybody seen my car keys?

car keys

Saturday afternoons are my favorite time of the week. This afternoon was no exception. It’s the perfect time for me to write. Everyone is out of the house. No interruptions from daughters wanting me to be their personal taxi service or demands to “please tell my sister to stay out of my room.” Just a few precious hours of rare alone time, perfect to get in the mood to write my column. No distractions.

This week’s column was going to be an insightful commentary about the challenges of attention deficit disorder, which afflicts many people as they approach middle age (not that I have any issues around this). As I got ready to write, I looked down, and that’s when I noticed it: a large orange stain on the carpet by my desk. How long has that been there?

Continue reading “Has anybody seen my car keys?” »

  • I had come up with a very clever comment on this week's post, Tim, so I was astonished to discover…
    Drew Fisher
  • Published On Jan. 30, 2010 by TEJ
  • Lowering the bar (once again) on my New Year’s Resolutions

    fat man

    It’s January – a new year and another chance to wipe the slate clean and press the RESET button on all those failed commitments from the previous year.  Every year, I revisit my New Year’s Resolutions from the previous year, not so much to analyze how many of them I kept, because of course I kept NONE of them. Rather, I look back to chronicle how many weeks it took before I had completely bailed out on my very last resolution.  Usually that date is around January 11th. I remember 1995. That was a great year. I made it all the way through February before completely giving up on all my resolutions, goals and ambitions. (I might add, that was a leap year, so give me credit for an extra day!)

    I’ve noticed an unsettling trend regarding my New Year’s Resolutions over the years. Over time, the goals have, well, sort of hit a plateau… then slowly slipped off the edge of that plateau…. into the deep, dark, cavernous ravine of best intentions gone awry. Take a look:

    Continue reading “Lowering the bar (once again) on my New Year’s Resolutions” »

    • I laughed all the way through this one. I feel so much better about myself…
      Darce Johnson
  • Published On Jan. 23, 2010 by TEJ
  • A moment of seriousness – an urgent plea for help


    Hello, everybody. Most of you reading this know that each week, I try to share with you my brilliantly hilarious (usually failed attempt at) humor here at  the View from the Bleachers.

    But then the earthquake hit Haiti this past week, and suddenly, nothing I had to ramble on about seemed all that important. And it just did not seem right for me to send out my weekly humor  article at a time of such tragedy and human suffering.

    Continue reading “A moment of seriousness – an urgent plea for help” »

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  • Published On Jan. 15, 2010 by TEJ
  • View From The Bleachers’ Annual Predictions for the Year Ahead – 2010 Edition

    crystal ballIt’s time for my annual gaze into my crystal ball to see what the year ahead has in store for us. If you happen to be Arnold Felderman of Waukesha, Wisconsin, I would just pack up now and head for a cave. For you, it’s going to be a really bad year. Sorry to be the one to tell you.

    As for the rest of us, the future is a bit more hopeful. Oh sure, some politicians will stumble, some new war will likely break out between two minor countries our teenage kids have never heard of, like India and Pakistan, and some Hollywood celebrity will come out of the closet to confess he’s Republican. And no doubt some sports star will forever tarnish his legacy when it is discovered that he has illegally high traces of high fiber cereal in his urine. Continue reading “View From The Bleachers’ Annual Predictions for the Year Ahead – 2010 Edition” »

    • Monsieur Tim, I always suspected there was a budding comedian lurking somewhere in your background! Well do tell,…
  • Published On Jan. 09, 2010 by TEJ
  • 2009 – The Year in Review – As seen from the Bleachers

    Susan Boyle

    Most of you know that I am widely considered to be among the most serious journalists in my house. So this week, as I have done every year for the past 30 years, I take stock in the people and events that shaped our world over the past 365 days in the much anticipated View From the Bleachers Year in Review, or as I like to call it VFTBYIR, for short.

    My, what a crazy year it’s been. Here are just a few of the highlights (and low lights):

    January: As further evidence that racial discrimination is alive and well in the United States, Barack Hussein Obama is inaugurated as the 44th President, once again giving a black man the worst job in the entire nation. After a honeymoon that lasts almost two weeks, he quickly is attacked as a Black Hitler, a communist, a terrorist, and a really bad bowler.

    Continue reading “2009 – The Year in Review – As seen from the Bleachers” »

    • Great year in review...I think you are right that Sarah Palin is gunning for her own talk show to take…
      Brandon Pek
  • Published On Jan. 01, 2010 by TEJ